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Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 9.19.17

September 18, 2017 | Posted by Larry Csonka
Jason Jordan WWE Raw Image Credit: WWE
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Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 9.19.17  

Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 9.19.17

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Non-Title Match: Nia Jax defeated Champion Alexa Bliss @ 7:00 via pin [*½]
– Non-Title Match: Cesaro & Sheamus defeated Anderson & Gallows & Champions Rollins & Ambrose @ 18:40 via pin [***]
– Apollo Crews defeated Curt Hawkins @ 2:30 via pin [NR]
– Bray Wyatt defeated Dustin Rhodes @ 2:30 via pin [NR]
– Non-Title Match: Champion Neville defeated Gran Metalik @ 3:16 via submission [**½]
– IC Title #1 Contender’s Match: Jason Jordan defeated Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Elias, Bo Dallas, and Curtis Axel @ 11:30 via pin [**½]

– Follow all of my reviews at this link.

– Csonka: There Will Never Be Another Bobby Heenan.

– In memory of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

Kurt Angle Talks: Angle is hyped for No Mercy, putting over Cena vs. Reigns & Strowman vs. Lesnar. Before Angle can carry on, The Miz & his Miztourage make their way to the ring. Angle congratulates Miz on becoming a father, but Miz is upset about being an afterthought. He is upset that he’s being left off the PPV, but Angle says he was about to set up his match. Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Elias, and Jason Jordan will compete for a shot at the IC Title. Miz calls bullshit about Jordan and says Axel and Dallas have been overlooked. He also claims he will be a better father and champion than Angle ever was. Miz then calls him a dead beat. This leads to Jason Jordan arriving. Jordan threatens to knock Miz’s teeth out, and then suggests that Axel & Dallas get put in the #1 contender’s match so that there’s no excuse. Kurt agrees to this. Miz insults Angle again and Jordan attacks. He clears the ring and stands tall. This was a solid opening segment to set up the #1 contender’s match for later tonight Miz was really good as usual.

– Angle tries to calm Jordan down, and Jordan is sick of the whispers and wants to prove everyone wrong. Jordan says he didn’t ask for this, and Angle says sometimes it takes more to not fight back. Angle says he needs to win tonight and win the IC Title to prove himself.

Champion Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax: Bliss runs away to begin. Jax yells at her a lot, and then Bliss tries to attack but Jax tosses her aside and to the floor. Bliss hides behind the ref, tries to attack but Jax stops that. Bliss tries to run again, slaps Jax and bails to the floor. Banks arrives, and stops her from leaving. Jax attacks and we take a break. Post break, Jax misses a charge and posts herself, allowing Bliss to fight back. Bliss up top and the high cross is caught, Jax hits the Samoan drop and wins. Nia Jax defeated Champion Alexa Bliss @ 7:00 via pin [*½] There wasn’t much here due to the commercial break, it was all about making Jax look like a legit threat.

– Post match, Jax lays out banks and Bayley returns. She, Banks and Bliss take out Jax and stand tall. Bliss tries to celebrate with them and gets laid out.

– We get Twitter comments from various WWE stars on the passing of Bobby Heenan.

– Commentary hypes Lesnar vs. Strowman, leading to a video package.

– Cesaro & Sheamus run down the nostalgia fad, and say the fans are too caught up in the good old days. But they live in the now and destroy nostalgia acts like the Hardys. They plan to end Rollins and Ambrose’s run, and say that they are selfish. The crowd is whatting the shit out of them, I don’t blame them, and it’s dragging and not very interesting. Sheamus says they will pick up the pieces and take back the tag titles. Rollins and Ambrose arrive, and rundown Sheamus& Cesaro look like Brave Heart and Taxi Driver had ugly kids. They admit that brothers fight, but that they would never allow each other to dress like Sheamus & Cesaro. The Good Brothers arrive, running down both teams for not being good brothers. They call Ambrose and Rollins nerds and Ambrose gets fired up and attacks. EVERYONE FIGHT EVERYONE! Rollins and Ambrose clear the ring.

– Asuka is coming to Raw.

Champions Rollins & Ambrose vs. Cesaro & Sheamus vs. Anderson & Gallows: Ambrose and Sheamus work back and forth to begin, until Gallows tags himself in and brawls with Sheamus. Cesaro tags in, allowing he and Sheamus to take control. Gallows battles back, Rollins tags himself in and that leads to double teams from the champions. They work quick tags and work over Sheamus. Sheamus had enough of that shit and fights back, Cesaro takes out Ambrose on the floor, swinging him to the barricade. Sheamus and Cesaro take the heat on Ambrose, Anderson tags in and keeps up the work on Ambrose. The spinebuster connects for 2. Gallows tags in, hitting a suplex and elbow drops. Ambrose finally moves, fights off Anderson but Rollins tags in as well. He runs wild, hits the blockbuster, covering for 2. Rollins up top, but Cesaro cuts him off and follows him up. Rollins slides out and hits the buckle bomb for 2 as Sheamus makes the save. It breaks down, and the Good Brothers hit the magic killer on Rollins, but Ambrose makes the save. Sheamus and Cesaro take out Ambrose as we take a break. Post break, Cesaro & Sheamus work over Rollins, using quick tags and double teams. Sheamus & Cesaro hit a ROUGH looking 3D on Rollins for a near fall. Rollins fights back, Sheamus posts himself and Rollins hits the DDT on Cesaro. Ambrose and Anderson get the tags, Ambrose runs wild on the Good Brothers, and it breaks down. The champions clear the ring, and then hit suicide dives. Ambrose and Anderson battle back and forth in the ring, Sheamus tags in and steals the pin after Ambrose hit dirty deeds. Cesaro & Sheamus defeated Anderson & Gallows & Champions Rollins & Ambrose @ 18:40 via pin [***] This was an overall good and fun match, giving Cesaro & Sheamus momentum without taking anything away from the champions. I‘m fine with them doing this match here, I was afraid that the PPV match would be turned into a triple threat.

– BREAKING NEWS

– Miz hypes up Dallas & Axel for their match tonight.

– We get a video package for Cena vs. Reigns. looking at their careers from developmental to now.

– Kurt Angle is on the phone and Goldust is there minus the face paint. He wants a rematch with Bray Wyatt. He’s not asking as Goldust, he’s asking as Dustin Rhodes. Angle reluctantly agrees.

– Hawkins cuts a promo, noting that he’s shutting down the star factory. But he is replacing it with the history machine. Tonight, his 114 match losing streak will end.

Apollo Crews vs. Curt Hawkins: I feel like I’m reviewing WWE Main Event several days early. Titus is out with Crews. World Wiiiiiiiiide! Crews overpowers Hawkins to begin. The dropkick follows, but Hawkins gets the knees up on the standing moonsault attempt. Hawkins lays in some ground and pound, Crews fights back, but runs into a spinebuster for 2. Crews hits the running kick, Hawkins gets a roll up with the tights, but Crews kicks out and hits the Apollo bomb for the win. Apollo Crews defeated Curt Hawkins @ 2:30 via pin [NR] Another loss for Hawkins, it was a match.

– Michael Cole talks with Lesnar & Strowman in a pre-taped segment. Lesnar doesn’t talk, Heyman admits Lesnar is the underdog, like he was against Taker. But Lesnar will walk away with the win. Braun says his actions speak for him, he’s left Lesnar laying, how many men can say that? He will end Lesnar. Heyman says there is no one like Braun, and Lesnar respects Braun. Last week Braun got up from a trip to suplex city. Braun promises to stomp suplex city to the ground. Heyman says Lesnar will take Braun to suplex city all night long. Braun doesn’t give a shit, he will make the decisions, and will make the decisions on Sunday. Heyman says until Lesnar is defeated, it’s all about Lesnar. Heyman hits the hard sell as Lesnar makes faces. Lesnar then thanks Braun for challenging him, because it puts him at his best. “Suplex City… Bitch.”

Roman Reigns Talks: Reigns makes his way to the ring. Reigns says Cena maybe the best talker ever, but some times he says stupid shit. He’s not the next John Cena, he’s not a jacked up white guy with a military haircut. If he was, he wouldn’t have a job here, ask Alex Riley. Cena is a fake ass bitch and a hypocrite. We get footage of Cena running down the Rock in 2012 for not being around. Noting that he always shows up and never left, promising that he’ll always be here. Reigns teases bringing out Cena, but Cena’s not here. Everything Cena said was a lie, and so at No Mercy, Cena will lose to another Samoan. See you Sunday, movie star. It was smart to use the old Cena promo footage, but felt too little and too late as the only way Reigns could get one up on Cena was when he wasn’t there. Plus, it’s not like Cena was gone for a movie, he was in China for WWE.

– The Hardys talk about tonight’s IC Title #1 contender’s match. They have fought their entire life and both plan to win tonight.

– Asuka is coming soon to Raw.

Bray Wyatt vs. Dustin Rhodes: This is a rematch from last week, where Wyatt won and humiliated Goldust by removing his face paint. Goldust is out without face paint, and announced as Dustin Rhodes. They brawl at the bell, Rhodes is fired up and takes Wyatt to the floor. Wyatt cuts him off, but Rhodes keeps fighting as they brawl on the floor. Rhodes hits a bulldog off the steps, lays in some ground and pound but Wyatt hits a head butt and takes it back in the ring. Rhodes sets up Wyatt in the corner, hits shattered dreams but then runs into sister Abigail and Wyatt wins. Bray Wyatt defeated Dustin Rhodes @ 2:30 via pin [NR] This was fun, good fire from Dustin until Wyatt won, as he should have heading into the PPV.

– Balor cuts a promo, talking about creating the demon and harnessing his rage. If the demon was created by the man, which one is more dangerous? Finn just went full Bray Wyatt, and you never go full Bray Wyatt.

– We get more twitter comments from various WWE stars on the passing of Bobby Heenan.

– Cole and commentary put over Heenan’s career, and that leads into our Bobby Heenan memorial video package.

– Enzo arrives and does his shtick. He says he will win the cruiserweight title. BRAUN ARRIVES AND KILLS ENZO, DRAGGING HIM TO THE RING AND HITS A CHOKESLAM AND RUNNING POWERSLAM. BADDABOOM, DEADEST GUY IN THE ROOM! Neville then arrives, and hits the red arrow on Enzo. Neville then mocked him.Ok, I personally found that wildly entertaining, but that does nothing to help Enzo as a contender. I still laughed, a lot.

-Enzo gets medical attention and vows to take the cruiserweight title at No Mercy.

Champion Neville vs. Gran Metalik: They work a really fun opening stretch, Neville cuts off Metalik and takes control of things back in the ring. Neville then starts ripping off Metalik’s mask, Metalik fires up and makes a comeback. He’s pissed, sends Neville to the floor and hits a step up dive. The ropewalk splash by Metalik gets 2. Neville blocks the moonsault with the boots, locks in the rings of Saturn and Metalik has to tap. Champion Neville defeated Gran Metalik @ 3:16 via submission [**½] It was short, but was really fun and had a great energy to it.

– The Drifter plays us a tune, but gets interrupted by the Hardys…

– Tomorrow…

Jason Jordan vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Elias vs. Bo Dallas vs. Curtis Axel: Miz is at ringside. The bell rings and everyone brawls. The Hardys pair off with the Miztourage, as Elias and Jordan fight to thee floor. Matt rolls up Jeff for 2 as we take a break. Post break, everyone is still randomly paired off and brawling. Elias and the Miztourage take control until Elias attacks Dallas & Axel. He goes after Jordan now, leaping to the top rope, but the Miztourage tosses him to the floor. We get a tower of doom spot, Elias sneaks backing and covers Jordan for 2. The Hardys stop him, hit poetry in motion, and then the brothers fight. Jeff is down after taking a bad bump on his shoulder. Matt posts himself, Jordan fires up and starts suplexing fools. The straps are down, hits rolling northern lights suplexes and then gets tossed to the floor, allowing the Miz to attack. Matt hits a twist of fate on Elias, but Dallas makes the save; Elias hits drift away but Jeff is back and makes the save. Jeff makes a one armed comeback, heads up top and hits the swanton but Miz makes the save. Jordan hits his neck breaker on Axel and wins. Jason Jordan defeated Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Elias, Bo Dallas, and Curtis Axel @ 11:30 via pin [**½] This was a very average and paint by the numbers main event. That’s a big part of why it didn’t work, Jordan didn’t get to look impressive at all, and this was a match that should have showcased him. Instead, he looked as if he lucked into the win and then got laid out.

– Miz and Jordan face off post match, Jordan hits some suplexes, but the Miztourage attacks and beats him down. Miz hits the skull-crushing finale and promises to keep the title at No Mercy and says Angle will still be a bad father and Jordan will still be a bastard.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

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~GLORIOUS~

4.5
The final score: review Poor
The 411
Not a good show this week, especially with it being the hard sell for Sunday’s PPV. The show was painfully bland, felt way longer than it was and the best things about the show were the Heenan video and BRAUN ending Enzo inglorious fashion. Brock and Cena weren’t there, which I felt took away from the importance of the show, no matter how many times commentary yelled about “WRESTLEMANIA QUALITY MAIN EVENTS” for No Mercy. This was a flat and lethargic effort overall, that did nothing to excite me for the PPV. It's like no one knows how to produce a quality go home show anymore.
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